Scarecrow's Christmas Carol
by LanieSullivan
Summary: Not much summary needed here as the title says it all. Set Christmas of Season 3, Lee is haunted by visions of his past to guide him toward his future.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: "Scarecrow and Mrs. King" is copyrighted to Warner Brothers and Shoot the Moon Productions. I retain rights to the plot, but not the characters. This story is meant for enjoyment purposes only. No infringement is intended.

Author's Note: This is my version of a SMK "Christmas Carol." I'm taking one tiny little liberty with the timeline and adding a desk for Amanda in the Q Bureau at a time before she had one, but other than that, this fits within show canon up until this point in the series and will become AU from there.

Timeline: Season 3, Christmas Eve, 1985

At his desk in the Q Bureau, Lee awoke with a start at the feel of a hand on the back of his neck. He sat up abruptly, shaking off the dream he'd just been having and looked up to find Amanda hovering over him. He couldn't help smiling at seeing her bright smiling face as she said, "You been here all night?"

Lee looked down at the files piled on his desk and said, "Yeah, I guess I lost track of the time. It's this weapons smuggling case. I'm so close to nailing down who's behind it. The answer's right here and I just _know_ I'm missing something in all these surveillance photos and background checks."

"Here, why don't you let me help you," she said as she edged closer to take a look at what he was working on.

"No, Amanda, it's not your problem, it's mine. You're not even supposed to be here today. It's Christmas Eve. You should be decking the halls."

Amanda laughed and said, "The halls are already decked. I just came in to spread a little Christmas cheer." She nodded toward the stack of Christmas cookie-filled plates that she'd set on her desk after she'd found Lee asleep at his. "Besides, you're my partner. That means your problems are my problems."

"Amanda, no, I don't want to get you involved in all of this, not on Christmas Eve, not when you should be with your kids."

"You know, you could be there too," Amanda said. "I did invite you to join us for Christmas Eve dinner and I really wish you'd reconsider it. Put this case on hold for another day or two. It'll keep. Joe's going to be making his famous rum punch. I'll just bet you'd get a big kick out of that." She smiled at him warmly.

"Joe's gonna' be there?" Lee said warily a painful stab of jealousy running through him like a knife.

"Of course, he is. He's only been back in town for a couple of weeks and he hasn't spent a Christmas with the boys in years."

"Oh, right, of course he'd be there," Lee said disheartened at the thought of Amanda's ex being welcomed back into her home so easily when he wasn't even allowed to cross the threshold unless no one was at home. "I mean, I...I guess that makes sense. He is that father of your children, after all," he tried to reason, but still couldn't help the painful thoughts that crossed his mind of Amanda having a family Christmas dinner with her ex-husband included.

"You could be there too," Amanda said hopefully. "I...I really want you to be there."

"No, Amanda, I mean, how would it look? They don't even know me. What are they going to think of you just bingeing some stranger home for Christmas dinner? I mean, they don't even know that I exist, do they?"

"Well, in a way they do," Amanda said as she sat on the edge of his desk and took his hand in hers. "I've told them about a special friend that I have at work and that I invited that special friend for dinner. I was planning to introduce you to them as that special friend."

"Special friend, huh?" Lee said with a smile.

"Yea," Amanda said as she used her free hand to smooth his sleep-rumpled hair away from his face. "You _do_ know how special you are to me, don't you?"

Lee's heart leapt at her words. Did he mean what he was hoping she did? "Yeah?"

"Yeah, and I think it's long past time that my family met you. I mean, after all, we've been dating for a couple of months now, haven't we?"

"Dating, is that what you think we've been doing?" Lee said in surprise. He thought of it that way, but wasn't sure that she did. He'd been hoping that she realized that that's what all his dinner invitations to her had been about, but he wasn't really sure that she felt the same way about it, especially now that her ex-husband was back in the picture.

"You mean, it's not?" Amanda said startled by the shock in his voice as she abruptly pulled her hand from his as if scalded quickly making her way back to her desk and snatching up her cookies. "I...uh...guess I...um...mistook your intentions all those times you asked me out."

"Amanda, that's not what I-" his words were cut off by Amanda's harsh voice.

"You know, I think you're right after all. I should go home. I have a lot to do before dinner tonight. So, I'm just gonna' go downstairs and deliver these cookies and be on my way." Without giving him a chance to respond, she slung her purse over her shoulder, yanked the door open, then as an afterthought, gave him a half-hearted, "Merry Christmas," as she hurried out the door before the tears that were now stinging her eyes could fall in his presence.

"Amanda!' Lee called after her desperately wanting to stop her, to tell her how he really felt, to tell her that she'd misunderstood and that it _had_ indeed been his intention to date her. "Oh, what's the use?" he said as he dropped his head down to his desk in sheer frustration that he and Amanda were continually playing this dance.

"What's the use, Scarecrow, is that what you said?" A voice said startling him. Lee raised his head and jumped out of his seat as if he'd seen a ghost. As if reading his thoughts, his former partner said, "Yes, you _are_ seeing a ghost."

"A...a ghost," Lee said. "Yeah, of course you're a ghost, Andy. You...you're dead. I...I watched you take a bullet to the head," he said indicating the gaping wound on the ghost's head. _For me, _he added mentally.

"No, _not_ for you, Lee and you need to get that thought out of your head right now," the apparition said reading his thoughts again. "I didn't take that bullet for you. I took it for my country, for my belief that we could make this world a little bit safer and you should know there's nothing you could have done to stop it. It was meant to happen. Yes, you were there and yes, I took a bullet that was meant for you because I was trying to stop them from killing you, but that's just what a partner does. You'd do the same for Amanda, just as she'd do the same for you."

"Andy, I'm...I'm..."Lee swallowed hard unable to form a coherent thought as the guilt washed over him.

"Lee, don't apologize to me. There's no need for it. I'm okay with what happened to me. It was what was _meant_ to happen. I was supposed to be there to save your life because you have a future waiting for you that you're supposed to get to. I didn't, so you need to stop blaming yourself, get over the guilt and move on with your life or you're never going to get to that future that I sacrificed my life for. Now, I don't have much time. I'm only a messenger of things to come. You're going to be visited by three spirits..."

"Oh, okay, I know this drill," Lee said sardonically as he rose from his seat. "Let me guess, the ghost of Christmas past, the ghost of Christmas present, and the ghost of Christmas yet-to-come. Nice try. Somebody's screwing with me. It's Amanda right, trying her damndest to get me into the Christmas spirit again? No, no wait...this is more a Francine kind of prank, a little payback for the feather duster gag. I admit, it's a clever bit using Dickens."

"It's not a prank, a gag or anybody screwing with you," Andy replied. "Dickens was telling a real story, granted, based on a fictional character. Haven't you ever heard that old saw for writers about writing what you know? You think Dickens could have just made something this elaborate up? It really happened to him, as it's happened to many people over the years. You're just the latest in a long line of people who needed a little guidance in the right direction."

"So, you're here to give me that guidance?"Lee scoffed skeptically.

"Nope," Andy replied with a shake of his head. "That's up to them. Like I said, I'm just the messenger."

"Right," Lee said. "You're Jacob Marley. So, where are your chains? Aren't you supposed to be tortured for all eternity and tell me about it in excruciating detail as an ominous warning to me to make me see the error of my ways?"

"Get your head out of the novel, already," Andy snapped. "What each person sees is different based on their different circumstances. This..." He indicated the bullet wound to his head, "...this is what you see because you've been torturing yourself with guilt over it for years and that needs to stop."

"That's easy for you to say, you're dead. Your pain is over," Lee retorted.

"No, no it's not and it never will be until you get your head out of your ass and start living the life you're supposed to live, the life that mine was given to enable. Our time is up here. Remember what I said. Let of the guilt." With that last warning, Andy was gone.

Lee sank back down in his seat, shaking his head. "Let go of the guilt," he said. "Like it's that easy." He once again dropped his head to his desk."What's the use?" he repeated.

"What's the use, Son?" an eerily familiar gruff male voice said startling him. "Is that what you said?" echoing Andy's words.

Lee looked up with a start to find his mother and father staring him down from the other side of his desk. "What? I...what..." Lee shook his head. He had to be dreaming.


	2. Christmas Past

"Son, your father asked you a question. It's quite rude not to respond when your elders ask you a question," Jennie said in a scolding tone.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am," Lee said reverently when faced with his mother's unwavering gaze, "Sir," Lee said with a nod to his parents. Lee stared at his parent in awe, pinching himself to make sure that he wasn't dreaming. "I..uh...I..."

"Speak up, Son," Matt said. "What is it you were saying was no use?"

"Oh, it's...uh...nothing. Just...a... little misunderstanding."

"You and your Amanda seem to have a lot of those," Matt replied as he glanced the direction of the door Amanda had abruptly exited through.

"Yeah," Lee said with a sad nod. "But...I'll...you know...talk to her...We'll get it all straightened out just like we always do," Lee said with more confidence than he felt.

"You haven't an enormous amount of time to do that," Jennie said.

"Now, now, Mrs. Stetson," Matt said as he slipped an arm around his wife's waist. "You shouldn't give away too much. That's not our part in this, my dear."

"Oh, right, you are, my darling husband," Jennie said.

"Your part?" Lee said as he hesitantly rose from his chair again.

"You'll see," Jennie said as he reached for her son's hand, "but you have to come with us."

"I...uh..."Lee hesitated.

"Son, don't you dare disobey your mother," Matt said holding out his own hand. "Now, come on."

Lee stepped from behind his desk, took his parents' hands in his and instantly the office disappeared. He found himself in Amanda's familiar living room lavishly decorated for Christmas, remnants of wrapping paper strewn across the floor, the only figure in the room being Amanda sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace, the Christmas tree to her left, the multi-colored lights and the glow of the fire the only light in the room.

Lee looked at his parents in bewilderment and said, "I don't get it. This is Amanda's house."

"It is indeed," Jennie replied.

"I don't understand. Aren't you guys supposed to be the Ghosts of Christmas Past?" When they both nodded, he said, "So, shouldn't you be showing me some soggy family memory like the last Christmas we spent together before you died?"

"While it would be lovely to take a trip back to the time when we were all together as a family, that won't help you in your current situation," Jennie replied.

"Go on, Son," Matt said as both he and Jennie released their son.

As he approached the solitary figure, he soon realized that she was crying. No, not just crying, sobbing as if her heart was broken. He felt a sharp stab of pain go through him at seeing her despair. As he moved even closer, he saw that she held a framed photograph in her hands of her wedding day. He glanced back at his parents and said, "What the hell is this? Where are we?"

"You know where we are," Matt said pointedly. "The real question is when."

"Okay, when then?"

"Christmas, 1981," Matt answered. "Now, just shut up and watch so you can learn what you came to learn."

Lee nodded and turned back to the weeping woman in front of the fire, his heart breaking for her and was startled to hear Amanda cry out, "Damn it!' as she violently lobbed the framed photo into the fireplace shattering the glass against its brick surface as the flames began to lick at the picture within it.

"Amanda, Darling, are you alright," Dotty West said her voice full of worry as she entered the room. "I hear a cra-" Dotty paused as she saw what had caused it, immediately rushed to her daughter's side knelt beside her and embraced her tightly. "Oh, my darling baby girl," Dotty said soothingly as Amanda sobbed into her shoulder.

"I'm a failure," Amanda said softly between sobs.

Dotty pulled back, gripped her daughter by the shoulders firmly and said, "Amanda Jean King, you are no such thing and I want you to stop that kind of talk right now."

"I am, Mother," Amanda said as she pulled back from her mother's grip on her and gazed sadly down at the wedding set still adorning her left hand, then yanked both rings from her finger staring at them with a look of deep longing on her face. "I failed. I couldn't make my husband love me enough to stick around. What does that say about me? This time next year, he won't be my husband anymore."

"Amanda, Darling, don't say that," Dotty said then added hopefully, "You only filed for divorce two months ago and since you have children, Virginia law requires that it take a year. Maybe you and Joe can work it out by then. There's still time,"

"No, Mother, it's over," Amanda said sadly, as she turned back to the fire and watched the diamond in her engagement ring sparkling in the firelight. "This time, it is _really _over. We've grown too far apart. He told me that he loves me, but that he's not _in love_ with me anymore...and I...I guess...I feel the same way. There hasn't been any real fire between us for a while. I've really known it for a long time. I...I...just didn't want to give up. Marriage is supposed to be forever. I didn't want to admit that it wasn't working, that it _had_ to end. We were making each other miserable more than we were making each other happy, but knowing that doesn't make it hurt any less." She then broke down in sobs again.

Lee, seeing Amanda's intense pain, made a move toward her. He wanted nothing more that to take her in his arms and comfort her, but was stopped by his mother's hand on his shoulder. "Don't, my son. There's nothing that you can do to help her. The past is done. This is something that she had to go through in order to be ready for you."

"For me?" Lee said pondering Andy's words about his future. Did that mean that his future was supposed to be with Amanda?

"Watch and learn, Lee, my darling," Jennie replied.

Lee turned his attention back to the two women just in time to hear Dotty say hopefully, "Well, you know what they say, when one door closes, another one opens. Maybe this door closing isn't such a bad thing. Maybe there's someone better out there for you. Someone who will put your needs and the needs of your children ahead of his own the way a husband and father should, the way that you do. Maybe someday, you'll have that marriage that is meant to be forever."

"No, Mother, I'll never get married again. I don't think I could ever open my heart to another man again. After what's happened, I could never trust another man again not to leave me. As for me putting their needs ahead of my own, I think that's part of the problem. I let Joe run off all over the place and I didn't try hard enough to stop him, because I knew how badly he wanted it."

"Amanda, that is just not true. You begged him multiple times to come home more often, to stay home with you and the boys and he was always so determined to save the world, to cater to the needs of strangers that he never saw how much he was needed at home."

"Mother, don't make him the bad guy in all this. I'm equally to blame. He wanted me to go with him..."

"Yes, and drag your children all over God knows where and who knows what could have happened to them in some remote region of the world where they don't even have basic necessities. You did the right thing for your children. That's what a good mother does."

"I'm taking their father away from them. That doesn't seem like good mothering to me."

"Nonsense," Dotty said firmly. "He took himself away from them a long time ago and you've just been trying to fill the void he left ever since, long before you decided to end your marriage." Dotty stood and gestured to the scattered bits of wrapping paper around the room and said, "Just look at this. You made this a wonderful Christmas for those boys to the point that they never even noticed the absence of their father or how upset you were. They were so excited by everything you did for them to make this Christmas extra special that they didn't even have time to think about the fact that you and their father are divorcing."

Amanda smiled a little for the first time since Lee had been watching her and said, "Jamie sure loves his new bike, doesn't he?"

"Yes, he does," Dotty said. "And you're going to have a ball teaching him how to ride his first bike without training wheels."

"It was time. He just turned six last month," Amanda reminded her mother. She stood, glanced at the mess in the room, reached for the lamp on the end table and said with a heavy sigh, "I should really get this mess cleaned up. I've wallowed in self-pity long enough."

"That's the spirit," Dotty said. "I'll help you."

With a force that felt like being slammed against a brick wall, Lee found himself back in the Q Bureau. "What the hell are we doing back here? I wanna' know what happened to Amanda."

"You already do, Son," Matt said.

"Take me back there. Amanda needs me," Lee said his anger rising at being abruptly yanked from her presence and angrier than he'd ever been at Joe King for breaking her heart and abandoning his family.

"Yes, she does need you, Lee, more than you know," Matt said, "But the past is the past and can't be changed. You saw what you needed to see to learn what you needed to learn."

"I don't get it," Lee said in frustration. "What exactly was I supposed to learn from that?"

"It will all become clear in time, my darling," Jennie said. "Now, it's time we take our leave of you. You have much more to learn before this day is over."

Lee awoke with a start, back at his desk and shook his head, saying, "What the hell just happened?" He needed a drink and badly. He bent and reached into the bottom drawer of his desk for the bottle of single malt scotch he kept there for emergencies. He rose and turned to the credenza behind him was just reaching for a glass when he heard, "You know that stuff never did you any good," from a lilting female voice behind him, stopping him cold.

He turned abruptly and said in a low, almost reverent tone, "Dorothy."


	3. Christmas Present

Lee stared at his former love in utter shock and said, "Dorothy, what the hell are you doing here?" not so much surprised to see another ghost after what had already happened to him today, but by whom the ghost was.

"Hello to you too," Dorothy said dryly.

"Sorry," Lee said sheepishly. "I...um...I'm just surprised to see you. Although, I don't know why anything surprises me today."

Dorothy laughed and said, "I always was good at surprising you, though not as good as Amanda."

Lee looked at her a little guiltily and said in a hoarse voice, "You know about Amanda?"

"Of course, and stop with the case of the guilts," Dorothy said. "I know that you loved me, just like I know that you love Amanda now. I don't begrudge you moving on with your life. We had our moment, but it wasn't meant to last. It was meant to lead you to where you are now. I think she even knows that now that you've told her about me."

"I...I...I seriously need a drink," Lee said with a sigh.

"No, you don't. What you need is to come with me. We've got a lot of ground to cover," Dorothy said taking the bottle from his hand, setting it on his desk, then taking his hand.

In the instant of Dorothy touching his hand, he was once again at Amanda's house, this time in her cheery kitchen where she and Dotty were chatting while they watched Joe with the boys in the den. "The boys sure seem happy to have their father home," Dotty commented.

"Yes, they do," Amanda said with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Amanda, Darling, what's wrong. You don't seem happy to have him home and you're not your chipper self the way that you usually are at this time of year."

"No, Mother, I'm fine," Amanda said but didn't sound convincing.

"Is it because your gentleman friend wasn't able to make it to dinner?" Dotty said with a knowing look. "You know that I've suspected for some time that you had your eye on someone from work and I'm guessing now by the glum look on your face that it's this Mr. Steadman."

"I do not have a glum look on my face, Mother, and his name is Stetson," Amanda corrected.

"Stetson? Hmm, I could have sworn when I talked to your gentleman friend on the phone that he said his name was Steadman."

"Well, it's not. It's Stetson and he's not exactly my gentleman friend. He made that perfectly clear when I stopped by the office today to deliver the Christmas cookies," Amanda said bitterness evident in her voice as she folded her arms across her chest.

Lee began to approach her wanting to reassure her that he was her "gentleman friend" as Dotty had called him, even her "special friend" as she'd called him earlier, but was stopped by Dorothy's hand on his shoulder. He turned at the contact.

"You can't interact," Dorothy said. "Just watch and learn," she added echoing the words of his parents.

Lee turned his attention back to Amanda and her mother to hear Dotty saying, "Well, I'm terribly sorry to hear that, but remember what I told you a few years ago, when one door closes, another one opens." She then nodded knowingly toward the den where Joe was approaching them with a wad of torn wrapping paper in his hands.

"I can see that their exuberance for tearing into Christmas presents hasn't changed," He said with a laugh as he reached around his ex-wife to throw the wrapping paper into the trashcan.

"Oh, would you look at that," Dotty said pointing upward toward the ceiling, "Mistletoe. You know what that means." She smiled at the two of them. "I think I should go make sure the boys aren't making too big a mess."

Amanda laughed awkwardly and said sarcastically, "Well, _that _was subtle."

"Well, it _is_ Christmas tradition," Joe said as he leaned in and lightly brushed his lips to hers then slid his hands to her waist pulling her to him for a deeper kiss.

Lee turned from the scene in disgust that Amanda was kissing her ex-husband when she'd just told him that she'd thought the two of them were dating. "What the hell is she thinking?" Lee grumbled to Dorothy. "Why did you bring me here to see this? The last thing I need to see is her all over her ex. What exactly am I supposed to learn from this, that I missed my shot with her?"

"Just keep watching, Hotshot," Dorothy said as she forcibly turned him around. Lee cringed as he watched Amanda sliding her hands to her ex-husband's chest while Dorothy whispered in his ear, "Just watch."

Amanda raised her hands to Joe's chest and pushed firmly, breaking the kiss and saying, "Joe, stop," She said as she quickly scurried away from him, hastily grabbing a paper towel from the roll and dabbing at her mouth with it.

"I'm sorry, Amanda," Joe said with deep sigh. "I got a little carried away. I don't know what got into me."

"A little too much rum punch, maybe?"Amanda teased, "Me too."

"Maybe," Joe said. "Maybe that combined with a little too much loneliness. That, and that you and I have always been comfortable together, even during our divorce."

"Yeah, but we learned the hard way that "comfortable" doesn't work for us. I think we both need more than that and we lost that a long time ago."

"You're right," Joe admitted. "Besides, it's obvious to me that you're in love with someone else."

"Joe, no," Amanda said nervously.

"Oh, come on, Amanda, this is me you're talking to. We've known each other since before we were legally able to drink. It's Lee Stetson, isn't it?" Amanda didn't answer and instead only looked down at the floor as she nervously twisted the paper towel in her hand. "That's why you've been in such a funk, because he declined your invitation to dinner. It was right there in my face the first time I saw you two together when he helped me clear my name a couple of weeks ago. Then the way you talked about going forward, the way your attention shifted when he walked into Dooley's that night." When Amanda was still silent, he said, "Well, if you won't' be honest with me, at least be honest with yourself."

Amanda finally looked up at him and said, "Yes, I love him." Lee's heart soared at hearing these words from her. "After what happened between you and me, it took me a long time to trust in love again, but I think…or thought anyway that I could again with Lee. I mean, with the job we do, I've trusted him with my life, so why shouldn't I trust him with my heart?" She sighed. "I've loved him for so long, longer than I wanted to admit..." she sighed and said, "...but it doesn't matter. He doesn't love me in return. I...I thought for a little while that there might be...I don't know...a chance, but he made it clear today that there's not. He doesn't share my feelings. I'm beginning to think that I made a mistake in trusting him with my heart, after all."

"Yes, I do, Amanda," Lee said as he watched the utterly heartbroken look on her face rivaling the one he'd seen on his trip to the past and had seen her grieving her failed marriage. He'd wanted to kill Joe King in that moment for hurting her, but he was starting to realize that he was doing the same thing to her. "It wasn't a mistake. You _can _trust me with your heart."

Dorothy said softly behind him, "She can't hear you," as she touched his shoulder and the scene faded to be replaced by another one, this one not as pleasant as Amanda's warm, inviting home.

Lee looked around startled to find himself in an industrial district filled with rows of warehouses. "You guys should really give me some warning when you're going to do that."

"Sorry, but your time was up there and there's one more thing you need to see before our time together is up as well," Dorothy said with a nod toward the nearest warehouse.

As they approached it, he noticed his 'vette parked nearby. "What the hell is going on?" He asked for what felt the like the hundredth time today.

"Come on," She said tugging on his arm to lead him into the warehouse where he saw himself in the same clothes he was wearing now, crouched behind a large packing crate and heard the distinct sound of bullets being fired. Lee instinctively crouched down and reached for the weapon he normally kept as his back. Dorothy stopped his action and pulled him to his feet, saying, "Relax, Hotshot, you're not in any danger," then glanced to the Lee Stetson crouched behind the crate, "He is."

"But he...is me," Lee protested beginning to panic as he watched the other him pull an empty clip from his gun and grunt in frustration and seeing another empty clip as his feet.

"He's not you, not yet," Dorothy said.

"Damn it," the other Lee swore looking around wildly as the enemy still fired on him.

Dorothy and Lee looked on together as the under-fire Lee dove for a different crate to hide behind as the hooded enemy rounded the corner firing on him again hitting him squarely in the center of the back, dropping him instantly.

"NO!" Lee cried as he watched himself fall and heard the other him softly say, "Amanda," before succumbing to his wound.

He made a move toward the fallen body just before he once again felt the slamming-into-a-brick-wall feeling and was back in the office again.

"Damn it! Would you people quit doing that?"

"You people? Is that what I am? We were once very special to one another," Dorothy said.

"Look, you know what I mean. First, my parents, then you, you're always pulling me away from where I need to be. I…I mean…he…me…he needs help."

"No, Lee, you're pulling yourself away from where you need to be or haven't you figured that out yet?" When Lee just looked at her blankly, she said, "One thing hasn't changed. You're still so adorably dense when it comes to matters in your personal life." She then leaned in to kiss him softly and said, "I'll be seeing you," then vanished as quickly as she'd arrived.

Lee let out a deep sigh as he tried to put all the pieces together, sinking wearily into his desk chair to find the bottle of scotch still there where he'd left it. "I really need that drink now," he muttered but just as he reached for it, he was unceremoniously yanked from his seat by a large bony hand around his throat causing the bottle to drop from his hand and shatter on the floor.

As he gasped for breath, he looked at his assailant seeing the same hooded figure that'd just shot him.


	4. Christmas Yet To Come

Lee struggled against the apparition who held his throat tightly constricting his airways. He reached for the hand on his threat with both of his, his attention drawn to the Ouroboros tattoo on the back of it as he pried the fingers loose. When he was finally able to breathe again, he said, "Okay, Pal, if you've got something to show me too, show me already. Trying to choke the life out of me is not the way to get my attention."

The newest apparition then grabbed him by the back of the neck and in a whoosh, the office then disappeared and he was then dropped hard, his head striking a hard surface with a resounding crack. Lee struggled to maintain consciousness as he sat up, gingerly touching the fresh bump on his head. "That's not a great thing to do either, " Lee said as he slowly pulled himself to his feet. "How can I see whatever it is that I'm supposed to see if I'm...oh, say...unconscious!" When the spirit was eerily silent, he tried again. "Come on, Pal, what exactly is it that I'm supposed to see?" Lee glanced around to get his bearings and realized that he was in Arlington National Cemetery. He sighed. "Well, that explains what I hit my head on," he said as he looked over the sea of headstones.

The apparition then pointed behind him, "Yeah, yeah, I get it," Lee said without turning around.. "It's a headstone. What is it, my mom's?" The spirit shook his head. "My dad's?" Another headshake. "Andy's?" Again the spirit shook it's head. Lee swallowed hard and said, "Dorothy's?" With yet another headshake from the sprit, Lee said angrily. "So, what is it, Pal? If I'm not supposed to be here to get all weepy over one of the many people I've lost, then just what the hell is this all about?"

The spirit then turned and indicated the woman walking toward their location. As she drew closer, Lee realized it was Amanda and that she carried a poinsettia in her arms. As she reached them, she knelt in front of him, oblivious to his presence and said, "Hi, Lee," as she set the plant down in front of the headstone. "I...uh...know that you always thought poinsettias were pretty stupid when you were alive, but...um...it's Christmas and I...uh thought...that even though I was never able to get you into the Christmas spirit when you were still with me. I...thought...maybe being a spirit yourself now...I might have some better luck."

At hearing Amanda's words, Lee turned and finally looked at the headstone and gasped as he read the words engraved on it.

Lee Matthew Stetson

June 17, 1950-December 24, 1985 

Dorothy's words when they'd watched him get shot, "He's not you, not yet," struck him, her meaning now clear. His thought of Dorothy was interrupted by Amanda.

"Damn you, Lee Stetson!" she cried as tears of grief poured down her cheeks. "Why didn't you let me help you with that case? Why'd you have to go to that warehouse all by yourself? You know that breaks just about every rule in the book! You could still be alive and with me if you just hadn't been too damn stubborn to let me in a little, but no, Mr. Loner, Mr. I don't-need-anyone-but-me had to try to be the big strapping hero again. Only this time it cost you your life. God, I'm so angry with you! I'm so angry that you did that! That was a stupid thing to do! I'm angry that you left me all alone! I can't even walk into our office without bursting into tears and it's been a year! I'm angry that I trusted you with my heart and you broke it by leaving me! I'm angry that you died without ever giving me the chance to tell you how much I love you."

"Oh, Amanda, I love you, too," Lee whispered as he knelt beside her.

"No, that's not true," Amanda said in a softer tone. "I'm angrier at myself for that one, for never having the courage to tell you when I had the chance and I had a lot of chances. I wanted to tell you so many times, especially that night in the swamp when we were being chased by Sacker's men and again when we were undercover at the Marvelous Marvin's convention, that night I invited you into my room. I was so irritated with you for booking us as brother and sister. I'd been thinking it was going to be another case where we pretended to be a couple and we'd be sharing a room. I know I acted weird about it when we first started working together, but the closer we got, the more I thought...well, the more I thought about us being a couple for real and that night..." She trailed off, "When I invited you in for coffee, I had more than coffee on my mind." She then screamed in frustration, "How could you be so smart when it comes to espionage and yet, so dumb when it comes to love? Why couldn't you see how much I loved you? How much I wanted you? That night, I wanted nothing more than to tell you how I really felt and to have you tell me the same and then take me in your arms and make love to me."

Lee rocked to the core by the brutal honesty of her words, said, "Amanda, I'm sorry that I was so dumb. I...I... I never knew. God, if I'd known, I would have done something about it. I've loved you for so long. I...I just never thought that a woman like you could ever love someone as damaged as me. If I'd known..."

Amanda wiped the tears from her eyes, then blew a kiss toward the headstone and said, "I have to go. Your friend, Bernie called the office in some kind of trouble, something about Titan Toys and I promised I'd look into it for him. It's hard sometimes to continue in this job without you, since you're the one who got me started, but I...I owe it to you to stick with it. Seeya' later."

Lee turned to watch her walk away, but before she was out of sight, was once again grabbed by the brutish apparition and with another whoosh was plopped down into the den of Amanda's home. He glanced around and saw a lopsided homemade shelf of some kind, Dotty puttering around in the kitchen, the boys shaking and poking packages under the tree while Joe poured himself a cup of eggnog from a bowl on the kitchen counter. Everyone was there...except Amanda. "Hey, you!" He shouted at the spirit who'd dropped him there. "Where is she? Where's Amanda?"he demanded.

The spirit merely pointed toward the direction of the front door, at which there was a sounding of the doorbell a few seconds later. "I'll get it, Dotty," Joe said. "Maybe Amanda forgot her key." Lee watched as Joe exited the room, only to return a moment later, his boss with him.

"Billy," Lee said softly.

"Mrs. West," Billy said somberly as he flashed his ID at her. "My name is William Melrose, I'm a federal agent. I need to speak with you in private for a moment if I could. It's about your daughter. It's probably best if you sit down."

Dotty looked at him worriedly and said, "What's going on?"as she sat at the kitchen table.

Once they'd moved to the table, Lee could no longer here very clearly what was being said as they were now on the other side of the kitchen from him causing the sound of their conversation to be muffled. He quickly entered the breakfast nook to hear Billy saying, "Her body was found in a downtown alley. I'm so very sorry for your loss, Mrs. West."

"NO!" Lee cried. "NOOOOOO!" He then turned to the phantom behind him lodging a left hook toward the beast, but hit nothing but air. He was then grabbed from behind and forcibly turned back around to face the scene at the table.

"I...I don't understand," Dotty said as she sobbed uncontrollably while Joe held her tightly. "She said she just had to work late. What would she have been doing that could have caused this?"

"Mrs. West, I shouldn't be telling you this, but as her friend, I feel that I owe you the truth. Amanda wasn't a filmmaker. She was also a federal agent. I am...I _was_ her supervisor," Billy said. "I know that it's no consolation in your time of grief, especially with this happening at Christmas time, but your daughter was one of the bravest women that I ever met and she died in service to her country."

Lee unable to bear listening to anymore, left the kitchen and was surprised to find that he had not been stopped by the thuggish ghost of Christmas-yet-to-come. He stepped back into the den to find Phillip and Jamie still at their game at the Christmas tree, trying to guess what was in each package, oblivious to the fact that their mother wasn't coming home.

Billy, Joe and Dotty entered the room with Joe saying in a hushed tone, "I don't understand. She was smarter than to go in without any back-up," while Dotty sank numbly to the couch.

Billy nodded and said, "Yes, she was, but losing Lee last year has made it really difficult for her to work with anyone else unless it was absolutely necessary and I don't think in this case, she realized that anything that dangerous would be happening at a toy factory. Listen, I should go. I'm truly sorry," Billy said as he shook Joe's hand before making his exit.

After Billy left, Joe let out a deep sigh and joined his sons on the floor, saying, "Hey, Fellas', stop what you're doing, okay? I have something serious to talk to you about." Lee watched with a pained look on his face as Joe delivered the news to his children that they were now motherless and his heart broke at seeing the two boys and their reactions as their father held them to comfort them.

Lee then felt himself being hurtled back to the office. When he was dropped at this desk, he beat futilely at the phantom's chest screaming, "WHY! WHY? I get me, but, she was a mother for god's sake! Why'd you have to take her?"

The spirit abruptly departed and he heard an all-too-familiar voice behind him. "He didn't take her, you know." Lee whipped around to find himself face to face with Andy again. "You did."

"What? How could I have taken her? I saw my own headstone. How could I be responsible for her death if I was dead myself?"

"Because you were supposed to be with her at Titan Toys and you would have been if you hadn't been so damned stubborn and refused her help on this case," Andy said indicating the files on his desk. "You're a good guy, Lee, and you've still got a lot that you're meant to do. That's why you're being given a second chance to do it right. Not too many people get that chance. So, get it right this time."


	5. Epilogue

At his desk in the Q Bureau, Lee awoke with a start at the feel of a hand on the back of his neck. He sat up abruptly, shaking off the dream he'd just been having and looked up to find Amanda hovering over him. He couldn't help smiling at seeing her bright smiling face as she said, "You been here all night?"

Lee leapt from his seat and hugged her tightly saying, "Oh, Amanda, I'm so happy to see you."

"I'm happy to see you too," Amanda said as she pulled back from him a little. "Are you okay?"

"Perfect," Lee said with a smile. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. You...uh...you're just not usually that excited to see me, especially since we worked so late last night. Speaking of which, I thought you said that you were gonna' go home after I left. I can't believe you stayed here all night. You must be half-dead."

"No, Amanda," Lee said at thinking of how in his dream, he had just been fully dead and added, "No, in fact, I feel more alive than I ever have before." He pulled her to him again and without wasting another second, locked his lips with hers, trying to convey in that moment everything he felt for her.

At feeling Lee finally kissing her for real, Amanda linked her hands behind his neck pulling him in for a deeper kiss, her mouth opening beneath his as she moaned against him.

Lee took her response as encouragement and slid his tongue into her mouth, as he tasted her morning coffee with just a hint of peppermint. He tightened his arms around her as he grasped at her bottom pulling her as close to him as he could delighting in her enthusiastic response as he remembered vestiges of his dream and how at his gravesite, she'd confessed out just two weeks ago, she'd wanted him to make love to her. That thought just excited him more as he moaned into her mouth, until he remembered something very important about that confession; she'd wanted to hear that he felt the same way about her that she did about him first. He pulled back; his breath ragged from their heated kisses.

"Wow," Amanda gasped also breathing heavily, her heart pounding. "You really are happy to see me," then realizing how that sounded, blushed slightly and attempted to slip out of his grasp.

"Mm-mm," Lee said. "You're not going anywhere. Not yet. I have something to say to you. Something that I should have said a very, very long time ago." He then planted a soft kiss to her lips and said, "Amanda, I love you."

Seeing the intense look in his sparking hazel eyes, she knew without a doubt that he was sincere and her heart leapt at hearing the words that she'd waited for. She couldn't help the glowing smile that crept over her face as she replied, "I love you too," and tugged on the back of his neck to pull him in for another kiss. They kissed fervently for another long few minutes before both needing to breathe again.

"So, is that invitation to dinner still open?" Lee said his arms still locked around her.

"Does that mean you changed you mind about coming?" Amanda blushed again. Why was everything that came out of her mouth sounding so wrong to her. "To...uh...dinner, I mean.

Lee couldn't help but laugh at her embarrassment and said, "Yeah, and I think it's long past time that your family met me. I mean, after all, we've been dating for a couple of months now, haven't we?"

"Yes, yes, we have," Amanda said. She'd been hoping that that's what all his dinner invitations to her had been about, but she wasn't really sure that she felt the same way about it, especially since things had been so weird between them since Joe came back. "So, I...uh...I didn't mistake your intentions all those times you asked me out?" she asked hopefully.

"No, Amanda, you didn't," He said. "And if the invitation still stands, I'd love to come to dinner with the family tonight."

"Of course, I want you to be there. I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable with Joe being there."

"No, I mean, of course he'd be there. He's only been back in town for a couple of weeks and he hasn't spent a Christmas with the boys in years, right? Besides, I heard someone say once that he makes a mean rum punch, something I'd just bet I'll get a big kick out of."

"I'm sure you will," Amanda said as she planted one more quick kiss to his lips, before extracting herself from his arms and looking at the files piled on his desk and said, "So, is this still the weapons smuggling case?"

"Yeah, that's how I lost track of time and ending up sleeping here. I'm so close to nailing down who's behind it. The answer's right here and I just _know_ I'm missing something in all these surveillance photos and background checks."

Amanda gently pushed him toward his chair and said, "Here, why don't you let me help you,"

Lee sank down in his chair and said, "No, Amanda, it's not your problem, it's mine. You're not even supposed to be here today. It's Christmas Eve. You should be decking the halls." Lee felt an eerie sense of Déjà vu come over him as he said those words.

Amanda laughed and said, "The halls are already decked. I just came in to spread a little Christmas cheer." She nodded toward the stack of Christmas cookie-filled plates that she'd set on her desk after she'd found Lee asleep at his. "Besides, you're my partner. That means your problems are my problems."

Lee felt an ominous chill shoot down his spine and the déjà vu continued. It struck him that this was part of his dream too. He recalled Andy's warning to him, _Get it right this time._ "You know, on second thought, I could use a little help, Partner," as he pulled her into his lap causing her to squeal.

"You know, I don't think this is the agency-approved way of researching together," she teased. Lee laughed as he slid one arm around her waist and starting going through the files with the other. "Hold it," Amanda said as she stopped him and pulled a photo out of the pile then climbed out of his lap.

"You spot something?"Lee said as he rose from his seat and watched as she walked to the vault.

"Maybe," Amanda called from the vault. She soon returned with another file. "Here, you recognize this guy?"

"Gavriil Megalos, the Greek shipping magnate. Yeah, we've been keeping an eye on him for a couple of years now, mainly because he has some kind of...shady...acquaintances, but we've never really caught the guy himself doing anything shady. You think he has something to do with this case?"

"Yeah, look," she showed him the surveillance photo of the hooded figures in it. "You see this tattoo?"

Lee glanced at the photo and the Ouroboros tattoo on the back of the hooded man's hand sent another shiver down his spine as another flash from his dream crossed his mind. "Yeah, it's an Ouroboros. A symbol of things cycling or coming full circle," He said. "What about it?'

"Well, it struck me that it's weird place for a tattoo and that one is rather unique with the color combination used in it and that's when I remembered this," She plucked another photo out of the file she'd just removed from the vault. "Look at this photo of Megalos, how he's got one hand crossed over the other.

"It's the same tattoo," Lee said beginning to wonder if his dream hadn't been a dream, after all, but an ominous warning.

"Come on, we've got plenty of time before dinner. We should check it out," Amanda said as she dropped the files on Lee's desk and grabbed him by the hand.

Two hours, later, Megalos and his cronies captured and in the hands of the agency, Lee and Amanda had returned to the agency to deliver Amanda's Christmas cookies, and then had adjourned to her house. Lee paused as they stepped onto the porch and said, "Hey, thanks, for saving my hide out there."

Amanda blushed and said, "I...uh...I really didn't do so much."

"No, you did," Lee insisted fully convinced now that his dream had not been a dream. "If you hadn't been there and knocked over that stack of crate when you did, Megalos would have gotten the jump on me and I'd be dead now."

"Well, I'm very glad you're not," she said as she linked her hand with his and opened the front door calling as they entered, "Hey, everyone! Merry Christmas."

There was a flurry of activity as Amanda introduced everyone to Lee, all the while still holding his hand while he smiled nervously and greeted the family immensely grateful for Amanda's tight, reassuring grip on his hand. Phillip seemed to take to him right away; however, Jamie eyed him warily.

"There's a big bowl of rum punch in the kitchen," Joe said with a smile as he sipped at his own.

"Oh, the famous rum punch," Lee said with a nod. "I think I'll have to give it a try."

"I guarantee you'll love it," Amanda said as she tugged on his hand and guided him into the kitchen where Dotty had returned to her dinner preparations. Lee glanced up for a moment at the mistletoe hanging right where he expected it to be and grinned slightly.

"Well, I must say, Mr. Steadman, it is so nice to finally put a face with a voice," Dotty said noticing with a smile that her daughter's hand had never left his since they'd entered.

"The feeling is mutual, Mrs. West," Lee replied, "And it's Stetson."

"Stetson? Hmm, I could have sworn when I talked to you on the phone that you said his name was Steadman."

"No, it's Stetson, Mother," Amanda said as she released Lee's hand to pour them each a cup of punch. "Here you go," she said to Lee with a smile as she handed him one.

Lee stepped forward to take it and said, "Thanks," with a warm smile.

"Oh, would you look at that," Dotty said pointing upward toward the ceiling, "Mistletoe. You know what that means." She smiled at the two of them. "I think I should go make sure the boys aren't getting into the presents yet."

Amanda laughed heartily and said sarcastically, "Well, _that _was subtle."

"Well, it _is_ Christmas tradition," Lee said as he slid his hands to Amanda's waist and brushed his lips against her softly. He delighted in feeling her sliding her hands up to his chest only instead of pushing him away as she had Joe in his dream, her hands travelled further to the back of his neck to deepen their kiss.

When their kiss ended, Amanda joked, "Since when are you all about following Christmas tradition."

"This," he said with another soft kiss to her lips, "...is one Christmas tradition that I don't mind following." He kissed her one more time and said, "Merry Christmas, Amanda."

"Merry Christmas, Lee," she said as she tugged at his neck to pull him in for one more long, lingering kiss.


End file.
